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Last week I went on another date with a guy from an online dating site. He wanted to surprise me, so we met at a nearby Starbucks. The plan was to go for the best pie in this city. I was perplexed as we were no where near a place that I know of that has great pie… But he took me to a local department store with the comment that “there are many silver haired people here with time to complain thus it must be the best”. Let me tell you… The crust was terrible and the filling was from a box. On a bad pie day my pies are better.

This guy was very smart, but also very aggressive. We spent the better part of the date discussing health-related issues where I was forced to take a position because he wanted to argue against it. I’ve never felt so tied Into knots during a first date -and I don’t mean from first date jitters!

I think I managed to shake him off, through my “I’m not interested” vibes (I suspect I’m too good at that part of things, in fact…).

Edited to add: It is REALLY difficult to type a blog post on an iphone, particularly with a cat who insists on attention… Excuse any typos…

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On and off lately I’ve been exploring online dating. I have those experiences that good stories are made of, if nothing else — really, one day I’ll have to see if I can capture the humour that was the Gumby story in writing. Recently, I decided I need to take initiative more — I use the ‘he should pursue’ as a crutch or an excuse not to act. I’m trying to take initiative more. But, this post (sorry I’ve been AWOL, schools nuts — as normal — but this story has to be shared) isn’t about me and taking initiative.

This is about a simple rule I have when chatting with someone I don’t know from an online dating site: using whatever available information I have I do an internet search on the guy. Often they eventually give me their email address. Unlike me, they usually use their main email. I appreciate that as it makes my digging easier. I use a non-identifying email address — that I check — so that I have a certain amount of anonymity, at least until I have met them once or twice.

But, whatever information they give me (a number an email address etc), I search for them. Last weekend I decided to contact a couple of guys who’s profile seemed interesting to me. One guy respectfully responded that he was already communicating with someone and felt it was not polite to correspond with more than one person at a time. I was impressed, and respect that. Anyhow, the other guy responded. A few messages back and forth and he suggests contact through email. So, once he’s emailed me I did my usual search, found him on Facebook.

Now, I have my facebook account pretty locked down, people can’t see anything, and even some ‘friends’ aren’t allowed to see my wall. This guy’s wall is visible to all.

What did the most recent status update say?

Mr X ” says you’re all invited to my bachelor party! Granted, I’m not even getting married. But thats not a reason to not have a night out with my buddies with beer and strippers!”

The status update below that, from Friday was:

Mr X ” says whenever I start to get tired of being single… I go sleep on the couch to remember what being in a relationship is like!”

Now, I realize that he may be making a joke and I haven’t met him and don’t know what his sense of humour is like, BUT, this is publicly visible, employers can see it, media, customers, and WOMEN HE MAY WANT TO DATE. So, if he was someone who I knew, I may have found it quite funny (depending on the person saying those things), but in this case it’s just offensive and creeps me out.

So, he goes into the ‘NO’ category. Now I just have to decide if I should be direct and say what I’m thinking (something I’m working on), or do what I normally would do and just never respond.

So my simple rule: WATCH what you say when you’re online, because women, or at least this woman, does search and it can be a deal-breaker.

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