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Archive for April, 2009

After a weekend in whistler with the running gang I’ve been relaxed and mellow. Pondering some big longer posts — but those are going to tak a while to write. For now, not much to report except the craziness of a week of departmental meetings. I hope it helps to open up doors for fall plans… For now, sleep calls me.

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Baking Disaster

I’m heading to Whistler this weekend. It’s midnight, I haven’t packed yet. But I did manage to go to the Army and Navy Massive Annual Shoe Sale — where I bought seven, yes seven, pairs of really cute shoes. All leather (except for the denim pair), and beautiful. Afterwards I came home and went for a great run. It’s my first run where I felt like myself — in months. I’ve felt good when I’ve been running with groups but when alone I’ve been draggy and slow. Tonight I still wasn’t up to speed but was strong.

After, I needed to do the baking that I’d promised for this weekend.  Yesterday I made cookies and today I was making pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pie, lemon merangue pie and grated apple pie. Mid baking, I had the lemon merangue pie on the stove — cooling. I opened the cupboard to get my cinnamon out, and some spices fell out — onto the merangue. So I had to re-make the merangue. Then I was ready to put the muffins in the oven and went to pick up the muffin tin. And dropped it everywhere. Almost on the Lemon Merangue Pie. The pie was safe, but the muffin batter was not. So alas, no muffins for the weekend. But there are three kinds of pies, and ginger snaps. That should be good for two days.

I’m not usually this spaztic, I know I’m thinking through information I received today, but really it’s nothing particularly deep or shocking but I have no idea why I managed to almost destroy a pie — twice — and sent muffin batter all over the kitchen.

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BCAA: Go big or go home…

After getting home from work, napping and having dinner, I went to the grocery store. I’ve agreed to do the dessert baking for my weekend in Whistler and needed to get some supplies. I got my groceries and went to my car. Where I discovered that I’ve again locked my keys in the car. I’ve been driving for what, 18 years, and until recently have only locked my keys in my car once.  But this is the second time in 6 months.  Fortunately, it was late in the evening, so the wait wasn’t long. And, when BCAA arrived, the driver was driving this massive rig, that I’m sure could tow a small semi or dump truck.

Anyhow, I went home and made Ginger Snaps. I also tested out a different pastry recipe. I’ll use it to make a pie for the weekend, but for the main pies that have been requested, I’ll go back to my traditional recipe. The Oil Pastry recipe I used is a bit dry and crumbly. I didn’t really like working with it.  I could have added more liquid but I decided to see what the flavour was like as it.

Anyhow, today is the last day for milk products. I’m going to spend the next several weeks cutting out milk products. I was tested as mildly positive for an allergy to milk proteins. Mildly positive — meaning it may or may not manifest as a clinical symptom. But the protein that tested positive is correlated with some nagging symptoms I’d love to eliminate.  So I finished the cheese, dumped the milk and have stocked up on soy yoghurt (fortunately this protein doesn’t seem to be in soy), soy milk, almond milk.  I don’t know whether I hope that cutting out milk will help — or not.

Anyhow, it’s very late and it’s time I sleep.

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Today is two days in. The sun run really made me pause and focus on the path that I’d forgotten ages ago.   Fitness, health, and making sure that I am taking care of myself is something I need to do to help with my stress, to deal with myself. I have certain ways of responding to stress. Intense stress and I cave. I hide in my cocoon, letting a few trusted folks in — usually those who persist, who have been around for a long time, or those who have clearly been in the place where I’m at. Sometimes all of the above…

As I deal with long term intense stress, I sometimes deal that way, but other times I realize I need to control something. Anything. I don’t mean this in an unhealthy way. I mean more as a way of coping with things when my world is out of control. I usually end up spring cleaning or baking.  Longer term, things can go in many directions.

One thing that happens when I cocoon is that I want to stay at home, curled up on my sofa. So right now, what I am doing is connecting the two ideas — cocooning to a degree with controlling what I can. I’m doing what I can to control things that I can control. With a healthy balance, of course, and not an obsessive perspective.  But it means I will train for a half marathon, watch my nutrition so that I get stronger and healthier, and work through finances questions in preparation for things to come.

It feels good to have a small bit of control in an crazy time. It feels good to have some sort of control in an area (health and fitness) that has such a direct impact on how I view myself, and my self confidence.

Today, I went for a run, but had to cut it short. My right hamstring was irritated. So I eased off. I know my workouts, it wasn’t a cop out. I had to ease off.  Thankfully, though, I came home to good news: the Canucks won. This is their first ever 4 game sweep. Well done! I watched to the end of the game, but OT could go for very long, so I paid attention to what my priorities were and that meant going out.

So tomorrow’s lunch is planned, workout planned for after work, and plans are falling into place for an awesome weekend in Whistler with my running peeps.  Slowly I am coming out of my cave. In some areas of my life. Other areas of my life (read=dancing), not yet. But it will come. For now I need to focus on me.

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Today was a long, busy, people-filled day.  It’s a day of craziness, insanity and people.  Today was the 25th anniversary of the Vancouver Sun Run.    This is my seventh time running it — in a row.  It was a lot of fun to be out there with the gang, working hard towards our goals. But I realized that I really haven’t been doing much to build my training, it’s been maintenance more or less — perhaps less given I’ve been sick for so often this winter.

But it also means that I have realized that I need to focus on me.  I need to focus on building my fitness. I don’t know how to adjust my finances to afford it, but I really need to afford what I need to do. This means I need to reduce my spending as much as possible. I really need to take time to figure out how to do this. Because when I am fit, I am confident. When I am confident I am happier. When I am happier I am more at peace with my day to day life even with the stresses.

So tomorrow, I will be figuring this all out.

After the run we all had our annual post-race lunch. At the lunch I was chatting with a friend, and the topic of relationships, playing “the game”, flirting and showing all this to someone. This brings up my usual rant about this city. I’m too tired to get into the rant right now, but suffice it to say, I don’t want to have to chase a guy. I don’t want to have to pursue a guy and ‘convince’ him that he should date me. If a guy is interested in me, I’d like him to show it.  I will certainly respond if a guy flirts (and I’m interested), but I don’t want to have to chase.  So being told that I need to chase, be the one to walk up to the guy in the bar, ask the guy out.  No thanks. As I mentioned when ranting about this a few months ago:

But I am worthwhile to be pursued. If you’re attracted to me, checking me out as I dance, you can get off your ass and walk up to me as I sit there alone listening to the band. Because you are not going to get anywhere if you don’t. I am beautiful, a good dancer and worthwhile enough to be shown that I am valued enough to make the effort — rather than forcing me to make the move just to meet a good looking guy in this bloody city.

Bah. I wanted to deck my friend. This is why, I’m going to do what I need to do right now, and as soon as that’s over I’m going to get out of this city. I hope. Because really, I’ve spent time in other cities, countries and guess what? It’s Vancouver. Grumble.

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Today I found them. The Rose Coloured Glasses. When I wrote my post about my grandma, the day she died, I commented:

She was the type of woman who told it like it is, but everything was always seen through rose coloured glasses — with a pragmatic edge that made us all love her even more.

Today, I went with my parents, cousin and aunt and uncle and we worked on cleaning out my grandma’s place.  While we were there I found a pair of my grandma’s sun glasses. With rose coloured lenses.  That meant a lot.  I collected a few things, and my mom has a few other things for me at their place.   My grandma was a woman of sentiment and caring: She kept an ornament I made when I was a child.

I’m glad I was able to do it, help out, it was tough on my mom, and I didn’t help that much. I was cleaning out a closet of Christmas ornaments. I found something rather important that my family had been looking for. But it wasn’t something that was easy to find. It had me shocked. It shocked my mom. It was a tough tough day.  But I’m glad I could support them. It had to be found.  So this evening I’m relaxing.

I’m also looking at my things, and I’ve been in a purging phase anyhow, and now I want to purge more. Spending time cleaning my grandma’s place makes me realize that I don’t want people do have to do that for me.  It may be a morbid or a dramatic thing to consider, but, really, if I can live my life in such a way not to be cluttered with stuff, that is perhaps a better way to live.  I don’t want people who are grieving for me, my children perhaps their children having to go through things sorting out what is what and what to keep what to toss.  I would like people to simply be able to find what they want to keep — what’s important to them, and the rest sent to charity.

So I purge. I’ve been going through things, have been for the last several weeks. Now I’m more motivated to purge. Get rid of those things I don’t love, don’t cherish, those things I wouldn’t want someone to have to sort through.  It’s a step I need to do as I continue on this journey towards living life well, towards wholeness and health. Because I want to be happy, strong, and well enough to live my life looking through rose coloured glasses but with my grandma’s pragmatic edge.

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Tonight I had a good friend over to watch th hockey game. Awesome job Canucks! I was most impressed. The boys were fantastic.  Then I took a moment to upload a photo to my grandma’s carrot cake page. I made the cake for Easter last week.  It was a hit for me and my family.

Short post for this evening. It’s late, I’m tired, and ready to sleep.

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