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Archive for July, 2008

When is it too much?

A question I’m asking myself:

How long do you continue to pursue something?  I delight in it, yet certain aspects make me utterly unhappy. How long should I keep pushing for those elusive moments of delight in the midst of frustration?

When is it time to look towards other things that potentially might provide delight?

And is the frustration I’m feeling real or just a result of the stress in other areas of my life that I’m feeling?

I don’t know.

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Okay so Yale Stories are usually reserved for that particular bar where they regularly occur. However, it’s probably the best description.

I’ve been in an interesting place this weekend. Realizing that I’m dealing with things, and being frustrated that I’m not in the ‘dealt with things’ phase of life.  I’ve realized the importance of support systems in all of this, and I feel a little like I’m not sure where that is – especially this weekend. Some friends would like to be support, but I can’t lean on them all the time. Others are support, but can be clueless at times.  Still others aren’t here.

So, after a fun Friday night and a great time having brunch afterwards with the Seattle People, I spent a quiet weekend mostly alone with my thoughts, even when I was around other people. Because of where I was at, I almost didn’t go dancing tonight as I’d promised I would. But I decided that I’d go, have fun, dance when I felt like it, and just be.

When we got to the dance (in Abbotsford), it was pretty early, so I decided to go for a solitary walk. I ended up at a Gelato place. I couldn’t resist the temptation. As I tried to figure out where the entrance was, I got some smartass comments from a bunch of guys, which made me chuckle (about them eating all the ice cream). I grabbed my two favourites: hedghog and tiramisu. Or at least, currently, those are my two favourites.  As I left they also made comments about flying the ice cream from Italy just for me. I had some wisecrack back at them.

As I left, I decided to wander down a different road, and I came across this in construction pub. The security guard came up to me, chatted about the pub, encouraged me to come back, chat with him as he’ll be head of security when it opens and to enjoy the place.  I was at least a little amused at this exchange, and eventually continued on my way.  As I started back towards the dance, a couple of guys in a pickup come screaching up to me. Asked me about the lollypop I was eating (they couldn’t see the ice cream part).  I explained it was gelato, and they asked me to go for a beer. I said ‘no thank you’ and they commented that I was beautiful, which made me smile a little. Their response was that the whole exchange was worth it to make me smile.  Then they took off, tires squealing.

By this time it was time to go back to the dance, so I walked back, feeling a little less horrible than I did before.  I had some dances that made me smile, spent a lot of time relaxing between songs – trying to keep my hair dry (had my hair done yesterday and it can’t get wet until Tuesday night), and am now at home, still feeling uncertain, and in some ways a bit ‘raw’, but I’m glad I went out.

Oh… PS. My last post… I tried password protection rather than 100% private, see how that goes, that way I have control over who reads it… 😀

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My Perfect Day

I’ve decided to start a blog post about my perfect day, just like discussed on Smart Cookies. I’m trying to sort out my goals, and by describing my perfect day,

It’s early Friday morning, the sun is shining, I feel the warmth streaming in the window. I roll over, cuddle closer to my husband and slowly we wake up.  We don’t yet have kids, but one is coming soon. I work pretty early, so I get up, grab a coffee – I now drink decaf, shower get ready for work and sit down and grab a quick breakfast with my husband and we head out the door to work. We live near the city centre and are making our home in Vancouver. We own a townhouse or a condo right now and plan to move into a detached house before the baby arrives.

It’s a reasonably short ride to work at the moment, though once we move into a detached house, we’ll be in the suburbs, at which point we’ll carpool at least as often as we can. I’ll be working a more flexible work schedule so that I can do childcare at least part time. But for right now, we live in the city, I cycle to work.

When I arrive at work, I quickly shower and dress. I wear stylish business clothes and am at the peak of my fitness – or I was before I became pregnant.  I’m maintaining my fitness, with yoga, bootcamp, dancing and running but there are modifications as the months go by.  I work in healthcare or biotech management. I’m in a stable growing sector and work in a medium size company or as a manager of a government regulatory affairs team.

As I leave work, I go workout – sometimes it’s a run, sometimes it’s yoga, sometimes it’s bootcamp.  Usually I workout alone, but not always. It’s a great time to relax but running is often with my running group.  After working out I get home, my husband and I will take turns cooking, or sometimes we’ll cook together. Tonight we’re having some friends over for a pre-blues dance dinner party.

Dinner is a healthy meal, some of it was prepared ahead of time (my baking), but my husband and I cooked the rest together. The meal has food bought from the Granville Island Public Market or Farmers Markets and some is from our balcony container garden.  As the final preparations are being made I go upstairs to our bedroom and into our en suite. I enjoy a quick bubble bath to unwind and then get ready. Our house has beautiful flowers on our table, and it’s organized and was cleaned the night before.  I’m dressed in casual but elegant clothes, great for dancing, but nice enough for an evening’s dinner.

After dinner, we go to the dance, arriving a little late. This particular week I’m not teaching the drop in class, so we just get to dance with each other and our friends.  As the night wraps up we make our way home to enjoy the beginnings of a great weekend that will involve hiking and camping in the summer, or perhaps relaxing at our cottage by the water. As always, running plays a role and there will be lots of time spent with friends and family.

Questions & Exercises:

1. Answer these Questions:

a) What three activities on your Perfect Day bring you the most joy?

i. My husband and I hosting a dinner party and then dancing that includes close friends.

ii. Getting a good workout in.

iii. Spending time in my home with my husband.

b) What are three things in your Perfect Day that you don’t have now?

i. Husband

ii. Townhouse/condo

iii. The opportunity to teach dancing.

2. Take each item and activity and estimate the cost to purchase or enjoy.

a) Activity:

i. Dinner Party then Dancing: $300.00 (random number off the top of my head, more? less? Depends on how things play out with my perfect day)

ii. Workout: $300.00/4 weeks (bootcamp or yoga)

iii. Relaxing at home with husband: $0.00 (though the husband part may have a cost depending on how much longer my counseling will need to continue)

b) Item

i. Husband: ????

ii. Townhouse/Condo: $300,000.00 (for a first condo in Kitsilano, total)

Downpayment: $15,000.00 – $30,000.00 –> $625.00 — $1,250.00/month for 24 months.

iii. Lots of Dance Classes, privates, Herrang: $400.00/month

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This week has mostly been good. I feel productive at work, which makes me enjoy being there. I’m dealing with customers and their questions, and I think I’ve even solved one – on my own without asking for help. I’ve been busy and my manager even cautioned me to remember to say something if I get too busy. She saw me running around handling a bunch of things yesterday.

Tuesday was Belly Dancing, and it was a lot of fun. I need to decide if I’m going to continue Belly Dancing on Tuesdays or keep that night available for Lindy Classes. Right now, I’m leaning towards Belly Dancing. GASP. Not because I don’t like lindy but because it’s 100% for me, it will help my lindy and blues, and hopefully release some tight muscles and build my core.

Wednesday I was feeling a little like I needed some alone time, so I decided that I’d only go out if others planned it, and by the time I got a call, I was almost in bed. So no fireworks, but I’ll see them tonight and I already have my plans for next Wednesday.

Thursday was a frustrating night, in many ways. Between trying to sort out carpools, housing and a few other things, I was definitely tense. What I really need is a full back massage. Badly. I accept all offers… 😉

I was in a pretty frustrated mood so I went home. I didn’t feel the frustration at work the next day because my mind was engaged and I was challenged quite well all day. But I did really feel it after work – badly enough that I had ice cream for dinner (you know you’re in a bad mood when…). Fortunately I had cleaning to do as I know I was going to have Seattle dancers staying at my place last night. So I used that to deal with my frustration. It felt good and by the time I got going to the dance last night, I was in a good mood and had some great dances.

So now I’m hanging out, really wanting to be asleep, but unfortunately, I’m awake. My guests are all in the living room and most are totally crashed out. One seems to be a lighter sleeper and keeps moving every time I do, so now that I’m inside from my balcony, I’m sitting in my room.

I’ve been pondering the goals idea and where I want my life to go and how to get there – personally, financially etc etc. So I there’s a question posed by a great site I found, called Smart Cookies.  This group of local women are quite inspiring and I’d love to have the kind of support they have from each other.  Anyhow, they ask you to describe your perfect day.  In so doing, you define your priorities and as you start working towards goals helps you to define them and helps you define what’s really important to you. I’ve been thinking about that question, and if I could have great nights like last night, it would definitely be part of my ‘perfect day’.  There’s a lot more to that answer for me than that, but that’s one part.

So that leads me to figuring out how I can deal with my ‘stuff’ enough that it’s easier to throw myself into dancing without letting other stresses interfere. How I can be good enough that people love dancing with me, and so that I have the self confidence to walk up even to any of the ‘great’ dancers who I am terribly intimidated about asking.

Does this mean I should keep taking Belly Dancing in the fall. It’s a different dance, but would give me the body awareness, core strength, and self confidence that I think would be useful. Or do I save Tuesday nights for Lindy? For the moment Belly Dancing is winning, because it would be 100% for me, but that’s a decision I can make later.

For now though, the question is posed to anyone reading this post: What is your “perfect day”?

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Tagged

So I was tagged by my friend One in 36 Million.

Now I have to think of six quirky things about myself.

This is a game of ‘tag’ played across blogs. There are a few rules.
Rules:
1. Link the person(s) who tagged you
2. Mention the rules on your blog
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours…
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

1. Done. See above.

2. Done. See above.

3. Six Quirky things:

1. I like my toilet paper rolls to hang with the loose end ‘out’. Weird, perhaps, but I tell all my roommates that it’s a thing I’ve got. I don’t care how they replace the roll in the least, I try not to change it but if I do change it, not to be offended. I usually change the roll so it’s not ‘backwards’.

2. I may not always have the most perfectly organized home but my dishes, pots and pans, and tupperware cupboards are always organized. I used to joke with my family that it was my rebellion, they do not have the most organized pots and pans cupboard.

3. I do not like dried fruit but I love craisins.

4. I detest store-bought strawberry jam (bad experience) but LOVE homemade strawberry jam (in fact, it might just be my favourite).

5. I love watching my favourite shows or movies over and over again…

6. I can never think of enough people for silly quizzes or humour or tags like this… Or answers… So I rarely respond…

TAG YOU’RE IT:

1. Jules: one of my dearest friends

2. Hillary:  A friend from university, have been a bit out of touch recently.

3. Ann-ecdotes: Another university friend. She now lives in Toronto.

4. Mad Lori: A random blog I stumbled upon eons ago, I’ve been lurking ever since.

5. Brenkman’s: Vancouver friends now living in Calgary

6. Errr…. I’m blanking at the moment… WAIT!!! There’s my 6th quirky thing…

Oh and I couldn’t post on all the links above… internet issues it seems… Oh well.

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Dear Bicyclists,

I understand why you cycle. I’d be riding my bike everywhere too, if I had a decent one and/or if the tires were not completely flat.  With the traffic as insane in Vancouver as it is these days, I hate driving and walk or run everywhere when I’m staying in the city.  With the gas prices being what they are I understand why you are cycling.

I know what it’s like to commute by bicycle. I used to cycle to UBC and know what it’s like to have busses or cars whipping past you and almost knocking you over. That’s why I generally stayed to the bike routes — as much as possible.

But, I have something to say: STAY OFF THE BLOODY SIDEWALKS when it’s not the designated place to ride. Twice in the space of 3 minutes I came close to getting creamed by bikes as they flew down the sidewalks. One woman was quite wobbley and was obviously inexperienced. I could almost understand her riding on the sidewalk, except that it was a quiet side street where no cars were travelling.

The second was a guy, obviously an experienced cyclist. He came flying past me a few minutes later and almost knocked me over.  What’s worse, the street was closed to traffic due to construction. And since the guy was riding a mountain bike there is no reason why he couldn’t handle an imperfectly paved road. Just GET OFF the sidewalk.

Sheesh.

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It’s season two because it’s the rebirth of Yale Stories. Week two because it’s the second week I’ve had one since the long dry spell.

A recap of S2.W1… Old obese dude wanders over… ‘hi… you’re beautiful…’ wanders 6 feet away watches and waits for my response, a dancer rescues me.

This week the guy is younger, perhaps not inappropriately old but I’d say in his 40’s or so. Horrible too tight kahki shorts, untucked 1970’s style white shirt. Hair short sandy blond but kind of shaggy, and with his moustache, thick curving down just enough looked like he should be in a 1970’s movie — or like he just walked off a movie set.

He comes up to me asks me to dance. For other reasons I was NOT into dancing with anyone, and probably would have turned down a dancer had I been asked.  He asks me to dance I say a very emphatic ‘no’. He shouts at the top of his lungs… “I KNEW YOU’D SAY THAT!!!”.  He walks away and leaves me alone for a few minutes. Comes back asks me again says “Are you with someone?” Loud. Obnoxious. Very drunk. I emphatically say “leave me alone”, he says it again. so I repeat myself too. Then I look away and just ignore him.

I’m amused at getting hit on by a 1970’s… er… throwback… but definitely would have preferred to have attention from someone frome the right decade. Oh well. I suppose it means I’m less in a shell than I was, even if I was in a “i’m not dancing and want to be left alone” which is probably not the friendliest vibe. Though they say one’s senses are dulled by alcohol. And I’d agree. Perception.

T-Model Ford was good. I enjoyed the music, though the sound was as usual mixed very poorly, and I couldn’t understand what he said and eventually his style melded into one long song. But I think I need to know his music better to appreciate it more. Listening to just one song wasn’t enough.

The opening guy. Kenny Wayne. Was Fantastic. Had the slow bluesy stuff at the beginning. Built into a very uptempo set. Had a fantastic mix of styles and really played to the crowd well. Plus he’s local. I hope they bring him back. I’d dance to him all night.

And just a short comment that wont be expanded upon, at the moment. Sometimes people need to learn to think before they speak. Just because someone may look pulled together doesn’t mean rude comments don’t sting. There. Enough said.

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